IN THIS EPISODE
0:20 Are you into S&M? WHAT! Yes, we are talking about S&M. But about money. It has a lot more to do with money than you think. S&M (Servant and Master) is deriving pleasure from pain. If you’ve seen 50 Shades of Gray, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, you need to see it because it’s amazing.
1:16 It’s not about the orgasm, it’s an emotional release of sorts. That’s the interesting thing about money, in the long run, what we do with money, we get pleasure from that release that lights us up. It’s the release of letting go of the control of money in that moment when we buy something. Either way, it’s pleasure seeking and pain avoidance in the moment.
2:29 You are a dominant when it comes to money – you most likely spend because you like to feel in control of money. You save to watch that money grow. You are obsessive with your retirement savings. You might not have other things in your life under control but you get a rush when you open your spreadsheet. You might cut coupons like it’s your job. The mindset around a money dominant is that there’s never enough. There’s a fear that there’s not enough money. This can happen even if someone is making 6 or 7 figures. There is a lot of fear around this because the dominant worries about stocks bombing or money running out. When they sit down to look at their spreadsheets or their portfolio, that allows release from those fears and worries.
5:18 The submissive when it comes to money, if this is you, you probably don’t have a clue of what the balance is in your checkbook. All that other stuff I just said you’re like ewww. You hope there’s enough in the bank so you swipe that credit card because girl, it feels good. I’m not even going to worry about what’s in the bank. And I’m going to spend my abundance allowance. You let others manage your money, maybe a spouse or a partner or bookkeeper. You may even avoid opening bills. The pain for you that you’re avoiding is that responsibility. You’re avoiding it because it’s suffocating and you’re afraid of the consequences and how much is actually in the bank. When you get real with it, it hurts. Deep down you know what’s going on and it’s a constant source of pain for you. In the moment, when you’re choosing not to take responsibility, you’re afraid it’s not enough. I’m laughing because that was me. I’ve been there and it’s like I’m talking to myself 10 years ago. When you spend, it’s freeing to not have to worry about the money.
8:36 Do you notice a similarity here? The dominant and the submissive – what they both crave is freedom from the mindset that is causing worry and fear. They want to feel comfortable when it comes to money. The only way they know how to be comfortable is to control or to spend.
9:10 So is that healthy? It could be if you’ve got a nice balance. In the S&M relationship, if you both agree. In money, if you’re in a relationship if one person is the submissive and one person is the dominant then it can work. In the years that I’ve done this, that’s not usually the case. There’s usually one person dominant and one is neutral or they are both on one side of an extreme. Go back to your parents or your childhood and what you’re around. Or you can name friends behaviors.
10:44 The important thing is to realize which one are you. Is the pleasure you’re getting momentarily by causing yourself long-term pain serving you? You get to decide what this means for you. The first step is awareness. If you’re aware of the results that are no longer serving you, then you can make a conscious decision to change. Whether it’s in this moment or a month from now, it’s up to you. When you create a healthy money mindset, you’ll be free and comfortable. It doesn’t happen just when you’re being dominant or submissive, it will happen all the time. We live in an abundant universe and there’s enough for everyone. You can stop worrying about bills and writing checks, whether the stock market will drop. You’ll have feelings of comfort and abundance. Do your homework – it’s as simple as reflecting on this a little bit. You’re going to come back to this and say which one am I. And you’ll come back to this. On the daily, start paying attention to what you think or feel when you engage in these behaviors.
- It’s pleasure seeking and pain avoidance in the moment.
- Which one are you in money, the dominant or the submissive? S&M plays a bigger role in money than you think.
- The dominant and the submissive – what they both crave is freedom from the mindset that is causing worry and fear.
- The important thing is to realize which one are you. Is the pleasure you’re getting momentarily by causing yourself long-term pain serving you?
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