Call it what you want – Imposter Syndrome, feeling like a fraud, a charlton, a phony, a fake. Whatever you call it, it’s real. We all experience this and it is especially prevalence in business and among women. Nobody likes to talk about it, let alone admit it, which is why we are going to talk about it in this episode today.
What does Imposter Syndrome look like? What does it feel like? How do you know it’s happening to you? When you’re feeling weird and funky about things going on in your business…
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1. You have the thought or the feeling, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
You feel like you’re really confused, everything is foggy and when you look around you feel like everybody else has their stuff together. They have a plan that they execute. “It’s not a problem for them, what am I doing wrong? Why isn’t this working for me? This is so hard.”
It feels like you’re alone. You feel like you are legit the only one who has no idea what the eff is going on. But, because you don’t want to appear like you don’t know what you’re doing, you put your game face on and you fake it. We hear that term a lot – fake it ’til you make it.
Sometimes faking it is really misaligned and it feels odd, lonely, scary and confusing. It makes things harder than they need to be. Pay attention and recognize if you are feeling that way. Number one sign that you are in imposter mode.
2. You are afraid to ask for help.
That would mean admitting you don’t know what you’re doing or people would see right through you to the real you – that facade that you have been so good at projecting to the world. You don’t want people to see that. You’ve been portraying this image of success and organization. You want people to think you’ve got it all together. You don’t want them to see your innermost vulnerability. You don’t want to seem weak, because asking for help would be weak, right?
You want to protect yourself with that facade and as a result you become superwoman determined to figure it out yourself even if it means falling down hundreds of times, making mistakes and scraping your knees. At least nobody will know. I will be failing all alone and my mistakes will be my secrets.
As a result, everything takes way longer than it should and it’s way harder than it has to be. Your stubbornness, my friend, is a sign of imposter mode.
3. You feel like you suck at the very thing you sell.
How often does this happen to you? Whatever business you’re in, you give the best advice to everyone else. You get amazing results for all of your clients but when you turn around and try to do that same thing for yourself, you just can’t do it. It’s hard. You judge that as a reflection of your true value. You let that mean you are not as good as you are pretending to be.
I want to stop you right there and have you think about it for a second. Do you know a hairdresser who never has a bad hair day? Do you know a cleaning lady who always has an impeccable home? Do you know a chef who never eats out at another restaurant or let someone else cook for them? Do you know a doctor who doesn’t get sick and doesn’t need to see another professional for a diagnosis?
You can’t coach yourself. You can’t cut your own hair. You can’t perform your own surgery.
You need somebody else to give you an outsider’s opinion – a different perspective whatever that may be.
I want to stop right now and make sure you are giving yourself permission to show up and be amazing for everyone else but you’re also giving yourself permission to ask for help in your own expertise. This is what coaches are for…masterminds, biz besties. People who get what you do and who can offer you a fresh perspective.
When you don’t do that and you set these unrealistic expectations of yourself, you end up putting yourself in this little bubble of loneliness where there is nothing. It’s dark and quiet and really scary there. When you give yourself permission to pop that bubble and accept help and ask for advice and feedback, the game changes for your business.
4. You refuse compliments.
When somebody says “Hey, you’re amazing. You’re beautiful. I love you’re work.” and you’re like noooo. Pay attention to that stuff. Pay attention to how you feel and your words and response. You might be rejecting it and flatout thinking “Nope, they’re lying. They must be saying it because they have to. They’re saying it to make smalltalk.” You don’t internalize the compliment. You don’t take it in and let it resonate with you. You dismiss it.
If you’re doing that, stop, just stop. Pay attention to what people say and how they compliment you. This is how the world sees you. You might not see yourself this way, but everyone else does. If what they see is better, more brilliant, more beautiful, more bright than what you see, you’re blocking your truth. Take some time and reflect on what they said.
Imagine seeing yourself through their eyes. The whole world will change when you do.
5. You are afraid of judgement.
Judgment scares you stiff and prevents you from taking action. You filter every one of your decisions and actions through the “what if” filter. What if they judge me? What if they don’t like it? What if it doesn’t land well? What if it doesn’t get a reaction?
This is especially true when it means putting yourself out there into the world and showing up in front of people who know what they’re talking about – your peers, your colleagues, people in your industry, people who might think you don’t know what you’re talking about and who have enough information to prove it. You’re worried about being wrong or looking like a fool or humiliating yourself in front of people who matter.
I have a client who is a healer – specializing in reiki and does a little life coaching and crystal work. She has her own crystal shop. She has no problem speaking to clients educating them and doing workshops in her store. She loves it.She shows up with so much confidence you can see her aura glowing when she is giving one of these presentations. She was asked to speak at a wellness convention and she’s like I can’t do it, what if what if what if. What if they think my techniques and holistic approaches are weird and off the wall. I don’t know what to speak about.
She kept trying to make her speech really general. So we worked together to really hone in on her magical message and how she could deliver this in a way that shifted her away from fearing judgement but instead put her in a place where she was loving her colleagues from the stage and she was collaborating with them from the stage.
It changed the way she thought about delivering her message. She rocked it and she’s gone on to speak at several stages since then. Is she afraid? Sure she is every single time. But now she has the tools to shift her mindset when that fear starts to creep in. When that fear or judgement begins to overtake her she knows exactly what to do to switch back into a place of personal power. You can do the same thing.
When you’re freaking out about people judging you, remember everybody worries about judgement. Everybody is afraid to put themselves out there. Not just to speak or share their message but to be themselves. Being unique is scary but that’s what makes you great. That is what people love about you. They love your uniqueness, your special gifts. Only you can do what you do. When you embrace that and value that beyond anything else, the fear of judgement will subside.
6. You downplay your own achievements.
You do great things. As soon as you do you’re like yeah ok I did that. Or sure, I started a podcast, people listen to it. Everybody has a podcast nowadays.
When you find yourself doing that – saying your achievements are not a big deal, I want you to reverse and pause. You did this thing that nobody in your life has done.
You’ve made a difference in a life, You helped a client achieve results. Not everybody can do that. If they could, they would be doing it. But they’re not, you are. So instead of downplaying or dismissing your achievements, take some time to celebrate them. It;s not egotistical. It’s not boasting or bragging to say “Yeah, I did this, I’m proud of myself.”
Think about a kindergartener who just came home from school and says Mommy look what I did@! I colored this, isn’t it beautiful? The way they exude excitement, happiness and pride alongside their feeling of accomplishment.They are oozing with pride and that internal sense of accomplishment.
Don’t deny that same feeling for yourself. Embrace it! Swim in it! Enjoy it! That feeling is what connects you with Level 10 energy – that’s what aligns you with source energy. That’s where you want your point of attraction to be. When you’re feeling that kind of pride and love for yourself, you open up the floodgates for your desires to flood easily to you. That’s where you attract and manifest. That’s where you want the Law of Attraction to work for you. It’s not going to if you don’t allow yourself to feel that feeling and to stay in htat vibration.
Spend some time patting yourself on the back and enjoy what it means to be an accomplished woman.How often do you feel like you suck at the thing you sell? Click To Tweet
7. Success comes easily.
When you are naturally gifted at something success doesn’t just come. Deep down, you have these beliefs that you have to work hard to achieve anything or you have to give up and sacrifice for that accomplishment to be worthy. You fear that at any moment the bottom will fall out. It’s just too good to be true. Somebody is going to drop the ball and this beautiful life you’re living is all going to crumble because you don’t deserve it. Because you haven’t worked hard for it. Newsflash! When you are in flow and aligned to your truth and connected to Source or your higher self, everything in your life is easy. That is how it should be. That is our natural state of being. That’s how it is supposed to be for us. We make it hard. It is our contrast that makes it so hard. We create the resistance. The resistance isn’t natural. The natural state for us is flow, bliss, ease and abundance.
When you start to feel that way, pause and tell yourself nope! This isn’t weird. This isn’t too good to be true. This is the embodiment of truth. I’m living it. I’m connected and I’m living it right now.
Did any of these ring true to you? If so, share with me on social media. Share a screenshot of the episode and say “Tonya, this rings so true for me!” Let’s have a conversation about it – how you’re working to overcome it and what has been working for you.
Truth is, imposter syndrome is a nasty little parasite that embeds itself in your mind and continues to infect every thought, feeling, belief, action you make in your life and business. If you want to become the person you were meant to be…If you want to embrace your highest potential and make the impact you’re supposed to make…you have to get rid of the parasite. You have to subdue the voice inside your head that tricks you into believing you’re not good enough to have the success, love, connection in life you desire.
This feeling is not uncommon. You’re not alone. That’s why I asked you to tag me on social media. We can be brave and start talking about this. Take this subject out of the taboo closet and get it out in the open. So we can come together as a community and rise above the feelings that are keeping us repressed so we can step into our greatness and be who we were always supposed to be.
I hope this episode was impactful for you and I made the tiniest of difference. If this was helpful, please share it with someone you know that this could help!
If you need help in raising your vibe and make a commitment to abundance and reprogramming your money mindset, check out Vibe Tribe Coaching and learn more.
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