Never allow other people to affect your decisions, your self-worth, and your value. Truthfully, they are reflecting their limitations and issues on to you. Decide on your own worth and the value that you provide to other people. It’s your business. You are the only person who gets to design your life and value. Serve people the way you choose and make an impact the way you want.
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Design Life the Way You Want
Are you letting other people dim your light? Are you letting the opinions and the blocks and limiting beliefs of the people around you dictate what you believe you’re worth?
Stop. Stop it. Let it stop right now.
I’m asking you to take a step back and analyze the situation.
Let me tell you a story. If you haven’t been listening to me for awhile, I am now a Money Mindset Coach. I teach Law of Attraction to women in business. I help you connect the dots between self-worth and net worth. I help you debunk the myths that you can’t make a ridiculously amazing living doing what you love. I help you create success on your terms and I help you make your own rules. I didn’t believe that that was possible, at one point. I had a grandfather who passed away recently. I lived with him often on growing up and he was a role model in my life. He was the only entrepreneur I grew up knowing. I had a tremendous amount of respect for him and his opinion meant the world to me.
Anytime, I had an idea or I felt like I was accomplishing something or I was celebrating a success. or any time that I was thinking about stepping outside of my comfort zone, I would run it by grandpa first. I didn’t realize until I was in my 30s that that was a mistake. I didn’t realize how much of an effect he had on me and dimming my own brilliance and my own light. Let me count the ways.
When I was nineteen, I was going to school for early childhood development. I wanted to open daycare centers and a restaurant that had a jungle gym thing built in. The jungle gym was glass enclosed and couples could go have a very nice high-end dinner with steak and calamari and wine and enjoy a quiet atmosphere while looking through a window and watching their children play. I had small children at the time, if you don’t know my story. I had one at sixteen and number two at twenty. I was a very young mom and more than anything, I wanted to go out with my husband and enjoy a nice dinner and I couldn’t because of the babysitter situation.
When I ran this idea by my grandfather, the response I got back from him was, “Do you realize the insurance liabilities? You’re going to need to make enough money to be able to cover insurance premiums,” and all of the reasons why this was not a sustainable idea. I still think it’s a great idea. I’m not going to do it because I’m in a different business now. If you want it you can have it, but what a great idea.
If I had had that conversation with somebody else who is a little bit more of a visionary, who could think outside of the box, that might have been my path.
Fast forward years later, I did start a business as an interior designer and I was making an incredible living. Grandpa would always ask when I saw him, “How’s business?” My response was always, “It’s good. It’s good.”
When he would dive in and ask questions, I was so excited to answer and tell him how well I was doing in the profit margins I was making. That was all fine and good, and he approved. Until I raised my prices beyond what he thought was acceptable. What had happened in his Great Depression mind, I had finally hit the point where I was making too much. I had hit the point of greed. I had hit the point of charging an amount of money that was taking advantage of my clients. He made me feel really bad about it, but only for a second, because at this point I had already been doing mindset work. I had the retaliation ready, I was prepared with my boundaries.
When he said to me, “You can’t charge that. Nobody’s going to pay that.” I said, “Actually Grandpa, I can and they do.”
He looked like he was repulsed by the idea that I was charging several hundred dollars for a mere consultation. He’s like, “That’s like a lawyer. What do you think you’re doing?” I’m like, “Actually, I offer tremendous value and it’s a win-win. I love what I do and my clients love what I do for them. I’m good. Could you pass the raviolis please?”
It was really easy for me to say, “I am comfortable with this. I’ve already done the work around this. I know who I am and the value I create and it doesn’t matter what you think.” When he persisted with the conversation, I kindly and politely said, “You know what? It’s all right because you’re not my ideal client so we don’t have to agree. We can agree to disagree and I still love you.”
That was that. He never ever asked about my pricing again. He realized that I did not need his consultative services anymore. I did not require his opinion to move forward. I was not looking for validation and he was happy and excited that his granddaughter was self-sufficient and successful. I’m not going to lie, I feel like he still hangs out with me a little bit even though he’s now gone. I feel like he’s still with me. We had a different kind of a relationship after that. We had a little bit of a shift, but that shift never would’ve happened if I didn’t decide in my own worth first. I had to decide that I was enough. I had to come to terms with my value and be able to confidently communicate that to the world, not just to the clients that I was having sales conversations with, but also to the people closest to me, the people that we allow to affect us more than anybody else.
Who are those people in your life? Who is it that you allow to dim your lights? Who’s validation are you seeking? Whose approval are you forever looking for?
These are the people that you think of immediately when something good happens, and these are the people you think of when something bad happens. They’re the ones that you were afraid are going to come back and go, “I told you so.” They’re the ones that you’re most excited to call and celebrate with. They’re the ones that you turn to for advice. They’re the ones that you listen to intently when they speak. Who are these people for you? They may be people in your immediate family and your network of friends or your inner circle.
They may also be people online, virtual, maybe people you don’t even know. We allow people to affect our decisions and our sense of self-worth, our sense of value. If you haven’t really done the work to create energetic boundaries around what it is that you do and how you operate and how you show up, there might be some blurry, blurry lines there. I have noticed in my own work and in doing this work with clients in helping them discover who it is that’s dimming their light, they can show up in different ways. Light dimmers, we’ll call them, can show up in different ways.
These might be people that just outshine you. They might be people that demand to be the center of attention, that always seem like they’re one-upping you. You know the people, if you have a boat, they have a yacht. If you have a house, they have a mansion. If you bought a new Cadillac, they bought a new Tesla. You know the people. They’re always outshining you. They’re always trying to turn the spotlight on themselves. They don’t like it when other people are shining. When you do something good, they have to immediately show you up. There are the people that are the naysayers that are going to be like, “You did that, but you could have done it better. You accomplished this, but you didn’t accomplish that.”
They like to turn the spotlight on the little smidgeon of fault that you have or what you didn’t accomplish or the time that you failed. They are the people that will shine the light on all what ifs. People like my grandfather, “What about that insurance? What if you can’t get enough people to come in and cover the overhead? What if nobody buys it? What if the internet breaks?” The what if people.
How is it that the people in your world are dimming your light? Once you identify who they are and how they’re showing up and how they’re affecting you, I want you to come to terms with the fact that these are their limits.
Truthfully, they’re projecting their own issues on you. They’re scared. They don’t feel that they’re possible. They don’t feel like they’re enough. They don’t feel like they have what it takes. You are pushing the boundaries of what is possible in their mind. They’ve created these stories that you’re only allowed to be so successful and anything beyond that is selfish. That you’re only allowed to be so rich, that you’re only allowed to do X, and if you break those rules, they’re like, “How dare you? You’re making me feel like I’m wrong. I don’t like to feel like I’m wrong, so stop it. You’re making me uncomfortable,” and that’s all that’s happening. It’s their own stuff. Don’t let other people’s stuff bog you down. You got enough baggage. Don’t start carrying around everybody else’s too.
It’s time to dump their baggage. Dump your baggage while you’re at it. Let go of these limits. Let go of these shackles and restrictions. Let go of all the rules that tell you to be a certain way. Do a certain thing and make money a certain way. It is your life. You get to design it your way. You get to make as much money as you want. You get to work as little as you want. The two are not connected. You get to serve people anyway you want and you get to create value and change lives and make an impact any way you’d like to. It’s your business, your rules. The more you create your own rules and follow them, the more in alignment you are and the more you’re going to attract the right people to you. The people that agree with you, that value what you do that are in alignment with you, that vibe on the same level and want to pay you.
If you need help with that, you know I’m here for you 100%. Come hang out with us in the Profit Party Community Facebook group. Come hang out with me anywhere online at @TonyaRineer. I’m here to support you. I’m here to help you flip the switch on your mindset so that you can charge your worth and build a business that makes you feel good from the inside out.
If there’s somebody else that needs to hear this message, please share this podcast episode with her. Share it with your friend, post it on your wall. Help us get the word out that the women out there of the world are enough. You’re enough just the way you are.
We need to stop competing with each other and come together and support one another because the truth is, abundance means unlimited. There’s an abundance of money out there. There’s an abundance of clients out there. There is more than enough for all of us to have more than we could ever spend and more. There’s more than enough people out there for us to serve and make an impact in ways that are brilliant and unique and make a difference. I can only do this with your help. If you know somebody that needs to hear this, please share it. I love you to pieces.
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