We all have been taught by our parents that giving is better than receiving. We learned kindness, selflessness, and valuing others this way. But as we grow old, do we give from a place of love or as a gesture of fear? A lot of women in business give almost everything for their family and business. They get trapped in the idea that they have to do more giving because it is the only way they can feel valuable. You don’t have to stop giving to make it all work. Learn how you can create a space where there is balance between giving and receiving as energies that can lift you up.
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How to Receive and Keep On Giving
You’ve heard it before. It is better to give than receive. You may have even whispered those words to your children a time or two in an attempt to teach them kindness, the value of relationships and doing good for others. We’re raised that way. You were. I was. Where we are taught to share our toys. “Share your Barbie, share your cookies. That’s not very nice, honey. I think you hurt her feelings.” There’s so much emphasis placed around catering to the feelings of others that often what gets neglected is recognition of how we feel, our own feelings. We don’t teach kids or at least we weren’t doing this when I was young. We weren’t teaching kids how to be kind to themselves, how to receive. Giving, yes, we teach that all day long, but did you learn how to receive as a child?
Did you learn how to tune into your own emotions and put yourself first part of the time? I’m not advocating selfishness. I’m not saying that it is bad to give. It is something that feels good. It feels good to do good things for others. It feels good to do nice things for others. It feels good to be generous. It feels amazing to want to do those things. Often, we don’t want to. We feel obligated. We feel like we should or we have to. We get in a routine of doing and doing and doing and doing, that we are always in go mode or push motor, hustle mode. When we’re in hustle mode, we are moving forward and we are not open to receiving.
In working with my clients, I see this black come up 95% of the time where women are doing for everyone else. They’re doing insane amounts of things for their children, for their spouses, for their communities, and then for their business. They are over-delivering for their clients, adding value on top of value, on top of value, giving away their services for free, giving so much free content away on their websites, giving all their stuff away for free in terms of opt-ins to build their email list. All this is doing is adding to the feeling of, “I must do more. I must do more. I must even add more value if I expect that I’m worth getting paid.” This is a trap that you’re never going to get out of if you don’t stop and change the way that you’re thinking.
Are you giving from a place of love or is it fear? Is it generosity or is it obligation? Are you doing it because everyone says that this is the only way that you have to do this or are you doing this because it is truly aligning you with your purpose? Is it making you feel really, really good about yourself and your business? How do you know? You know by checking in with yourself and paying attention to your emotional scale. Are you at a ten? Does giving fuel you with energy, excitement and appreciation, or does it drain you of energy and add to the feelings of overwhelm and burnout?
Yes, I just basically gave you permission to stop over delivering. Stop over giving. Continue to give but I’d like to invite you to create some boundaries and just become a little more aware of the balance of give and receive. It’s one thing to give. Giving basically means you’re doing it because it feels good. You’re giving a gift. This shows up in your life when you’re giving something to a friend. You’re doing a friend a favor without being asked because it just feels good to do it. It shows up in business when you’re giving extra time, energy, bonuses, value to your clients. When you’re giving free information to your tribe. When you’re showing up and being helpful because it feels good to be helpful. That’s giving. Doing is a form of obligatory hustle. That’s where you’re doing things because you “should” or you feel like you have to.
There’s a difference and there’s a different energy around those acts. The act of giving. When it’s on purpose or when it feels forced and contrived. The same is true for receiving. Taking is much different than receiving. There is a definition that I really, really love and I’d like to share with you.
Receive is defined as to accept, experience or welcome. I love that. Accept, experience or welcome. Are you accepting love? Are you accepting money with love? Are you accepting new clients with excitement and appreciating the money they bring you with love and gratitude? Are you enjoying the experience of accepting new clients and money? Are you welcoming the two-way relationship that this brings to you or are you resisting? Are you blocking it? Are you making it more difficult than it needs to be?
Are you under the illusion that they are getting no black hat? Are you under the illusion that is a one-sided relationship? Do you continue to tell yourself, “This is great for me but sucks for them. I’m getting money, but they’re not getting any value?” That the scales aren’t exactly even, that you’re getting way too much money for the value that they’re receiving? Do you notice I used the word receive? Because they too are receiving and they are open to receiving. They feel that it’s fair and that’s why they’re paying you, right? When you don’t feel that way, you begin to black and you retreat back, and you create walls, boundaries, and obstacles to the money and to the clients coming to you. That’s because as children we’re taught that it’s good to make people happy.
When you were a little girl and you did something really good, maybe you got good grades, you cleaned up your toys, or you watched your little brother and your parents praised you. You’re like, “Making people happy is good. I like this. I want to do more of this,” and it’s continued, and now it’s a pattern. You were taught to give beyond expectations. Generosity, doing something unexpected was praised. People like that. I will keep doing that. You were raised to be generous, selfless, perhaps even altruistic. You were raised to be agreeable and to get along with others to play nice.
Any of this ring a bell? Now you want people to say nice things about you when you’re not in the room. You want people to refer you, to say, “She’s so amazing and generous. I just love her.” Secretly we fear the repercussions of making people feel bad, disappointing others, angry in others. We definitely don’t want to appear selfish or greedy. We definitely don’t want people talking about us behind our back. We fear that judgment, that ridicule in what that will mean to our relationships. We fear that because we’re taught to value everyone else’s opinion and feelings before our own.
In doing that, we believe that it’s going to pay off. We’ll just keep doing nice things for others. We’ll keep putting our own needs last. “It’s all right. I’ll get mine, eventually. I’m going to keep giving and doing and doing and doing. Even though it doesn’t feel good anymore, I’m going to keep doing it and eventually it’s going to pay off. Karma is going turn around and pay me back.” I cannot tell you how many times I sit down to have a conversation with a woman for the first time before we start working together. She tells me things like, “People just walk all over me. I feel like a doormat. People take me for granted. They take advantage of me. I’m always doing for everyone else in my personal life, at work, in my business. I don’t feel like I can depend on anyone. I personally don’t have anyone to talk to that gets this. Nobody puts me first. Everybody expects me to remember everything. Do everything. The only way anything gets done is if I do it myself.” Any of these statements sound familiar to you? Are you feeling like a doormat, unappreciated, burnt out, resentful? Do you feel like your relationships are all one-sided? Where you’re giving, giving, giving, and the other person is taking? When it’s a balanced relationship, and this is true for all relationships in your life, personal and business alike.
To give and receive is a cycle, it’s a two-way street and both actions should create energy. Meaning both should lift you up. When you are giving to somebody who is appreciative and receives with grace, and who is a good receiver, the act of giving feels good. It’s like giving somebody a gift, and they open it and they’re beaming with excitement and they look at you and say, “How did you know? I love this. I have wanted this for so long. This is the perfect gift anybody could have given me. You are the best ever. I love you, I love you, I love you.” That feels good and it feels much different than when you put time, thought, and effort into a gift and you hand it to someone and they’re like, “This is cool. Thanks.” They move on to the next thing. It’s a different energy. One fuels you and the other depletes you.
The same is true for receiving. If somebody is a giver in a situation, let’s just say a client, and they give you money. When you’re a good receiver, it feels good and you’re like, “Yes, this is amazing. You are the best client ever. I get to do what I love, I get to make you happy, and you were showing me how much you were excited to work with me. You are excited about this venture, this journey together in the form of money. I am so grateful and appreciative of this money, of this payment, of this commitment to our relationship and our journey together. This feels good.” It lifts you up versus a client paying you and you blocking that reception, and you feel like you don’t deserve it. You feel like this is being greedy, selfish, or you’re taking something that doesn’t rightfully belong to you. That’s draining. It’s depleting.
How do you become a better receiver of money? I’m going to take it back and talk about your childhood again. The giving and receiving weren’t learned in regards to money. You learn that in regards to relationships. You didn’t learn to give and share your money when you were four. Your parents weren’t like, “Honey, share your quarters with all your friends.” It was shared your Barbies. You didn’t learn to say thank you, be polite, and accept money with grace. You were learning how to accept other people, sharing their things with you, with grace. You learn this in the form of relationships. It was relationship building.
It was learning how to be kind to yourself and others as a child, and that’s how you need to learn it now, as an adult. You have to go back to the basics. Don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be. In practice, receiving with ease now and applying this to things that have absolutely nothing to do with business or money first until you’re comfortable, and then move into money and business-related situations. For instance, how well do you take a compliment when somebody says, “You look absolutely radiant today.” How does it make you feel? Are you embarrassed? Is it a little shameful, almost?
Do you immediately get insecure and think, “They’re just saying that they don’t mean it.” Do you say, “That really makes me feel good. Thank you. Thank you for that. That just made my day. You’re amazing.” Does the compliment drag you down a notch or does it boosts you up a notch?
Practice receiving compliments. When somebody does something nice for you, and it may be their job, maybe the waiter brings you an extra basket of bread at the table, look that waiter in the eye except the bread basket, and say, “That’s really generous of you. Thank you. I appreciate you.” Yes, you’re showing gratitude and that is a gift, but you were really receiving so enjoy the feeling of pausing and receiving the abundance. Receiving the gift, receiving the compliment, the gesture, the good deed. If somebody wants to pick up the check after you’re done eating that meal, instead of saying, “No, no, I got this. Don’t worry about it.” Really, really enjoy the moment of feeling like you’re being taken care of. Allow the feeling of love and generosity to consume you and acknowledge it.
Hugs, kisses, compliments, good deeds, small gestures, these are the ways to practice becoming a better receiver. Opening yourself up to unlimited amounts of wealth, abundance, prosperity, success, and ultimately more joy and happiness in all areas of your life. You’re going to get better doing it on a personal level. When it becomes natural and it becomes your new habit, it’s going to be so much easier to do it in business and with money, I promise. If you know somebody that happens to need to hear this message. If you know somebody that could use this message, please share it. Share this podcast episode with a friend or a family member, or post it on your social media. I think this is something that we need to be reminded of over and over again. It’s something we, as women, need to hear.
None of us are on board with the idea of becoming selfish, becoming takers. None of us are on board with the idea of really just changing the way we operate in life and putting ourselves first. That’s a tough one and we’re like, “I don’t know. I don’t know, maybe.” I can tell you something from experience and not only in my own life, but with clients as well. When you learn to balance the give and take, the give and receive, everything just gets easier because you can start to capture. Because that’s when you start to be able to cash in on all the hard work and hustle you have been doing for so long. You’re in this business for a reason. Stop blocking your abundance and your prosperity. Please stop. Open yourself up to receiving. Start practicing. You will thank me later.
If you need help in raising your vibe and make a commitment to abundance and reprograming your money mindset, check out Money Vibes and learn more.
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