Today, we are digging into some high vibe fun because I know you are dealing with some struggles at home, at work, or your life where you feel like the most positive person in the room sometimes.
You have been doing all of this amazing work to increase your confidence, raise your vibe, work on your mindset, become more positive and really get more in control of your own thoughts. Not everybody is on the same page as you. Not everybody is doing
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When you can’t escape a complainer
I hear from my girls in the Vibe Tribe Coaching program all the time who have been doing all of this work and feel amazing when secluded in their own little bubble, but they live with someone – perhaps a husband – who is not quite there yet. Maybe he complains about everything – something they see on the news, could be the gun laws or the way the world is pushing their opinions on people or the way that people sue over everything. They hear something on the radio on the way home from work, on the news or something was said in the office before they left and they were triggered. They bring that trigger home and start a conversation with you that is a whole lot like useless complaining. If you’re not careful, that complaining can drag your vibe down.
You could be having the best day and all of a sudden they start on their complaint rampage and you’re like, “Seriously, this is what we’re going to talk about right now? You’re killing me!” You want to fix it. You want to tell them, “Hey this is not a healthy thought. Is this helping your vibe?” Maybe they have and it caused a fight. They got defensive, they took it as you being condescending and you wanting to change them. What is happening n that moment is all they really want is to be heard.
A lot of times complainers don’t know they’re complaining. If you call them out on complaining they might say, “I’m not complaining. It’s a fact.” The definition of a complaint is a statement that a situation is unsatisfactory or unacceptable. They’re simply sharing with you that a fact is unsatisfactory or unacceptable. When you say to them that they’re complaining, they don’t see it that way. They see it as conversing or sharing their perception of how they see the world and how they feel about it
It can be exhausting. It’s an energy drain. It can feel like you’re stuck around energy vampires. So, I want to share some tips.
Remember it is not your job to change people. You can only change yourself.
I understand when you are going through a process of change and you are bettering yourself, it can be really eye-opening to look around you and see the kind of environment you’ve been living in for so long. Your environment may be really, really toxic. But here’s the thing, you do not have to let that toxicity in.
your energetic bubble.
You can create an energetic bubble around yourself and keep yourself protected by simply making the intention not to let their low vibe energy infiltrate your energy bubble.
You can visualize a bubble around you. If you’ve seen the Incredibles, Violet has the superpower where she creates a forcefield and it comes around her like a purple bubble. You can do the same thing mentally. Create your own forcefield. It can be any color you choose. I tend to always envision white, golden light and it’s warm inside my bubble. It’s happy and all sunshine, butterflies, and rainbows in there. Ain’t nobody gettin’ in unless I let them in like your energy stays out there. Mine’s in there. This is my protected, sacred space.
How your energetic bubble helps.
When you’re encountering a situation like this, you can mentally create a forcefield and put your bubble up. When you’re inside your bubble, you will observe what’s going on outside your bubble but because the bubble is in place, you won’t absorb it. Which means you kind of become a spectator. You’re watching a movie. From inside your bubble, you can still respond but you’re not going to take on any of the negative energy. In doing so, you can allow the complainer to get it out. They’re gonna run out of things to say after like two minutes, right. So nod, hear them and acknowledge them. They are a human having a human experience. Engage your superpowers of compassion, which means listening and understanding without having to agree. You can even say “I hear you, I know where you’re coming from.”
How to help the complainer
What happens when they run out of fuel? If it’s really something that has been ongoing for a long time and you feel like this has gone too far and you need to enforce some boundaries and put things in place, you might offer the question, “Do you want to hear my opinion?” Then proceed with an objective solution. If they’re complaining over something they have no control over, you might approach it as, “Alright, I hear what you’re saying and where you’re coming from, do you want to talk about how we can do something about it?” They’re gonna be like “No that wasn’t the point, I just wanted you to hear me.” You can say, “Ok, well tell me something positive that happened in your day today. What else do you know?”
You can deflect that negativity by changing the conversation and bringing it to something more positive. This is going to feel better for you but it’s also going to help them shift their vibe in a really subtle and nonobtrusive way. You can continue to do this every time you will start to create a pattern. Be really subtle about it, not forceful. You’re inviting them to tell you about something great. You might say, “So what is it you’re most looking forward tomorrow?” You mgiht say “I love you. You’re so cute when you’re mad.” Get a smile out of them. A smile changes everything. It’s hard to be in that negative state when you’re smiling. Crack a joke.
These are just subtle ways to change the energy in that moment.
How physical touch can help a complainer
Another way to change the energy is physical touch. If it is somebody you are close to a spouse, a relative, a child you might just come up to them and give them a little squeeze on the cheek, a pat on the shoulder or a hug. Sometimes when we are in the energy of complaining, what we are really feeling is lost or scared, especially if you’re in the energy complaining about larger world things.
The world is changing. Their perception of the world that makes them feel safe is being threatened. They are now shifting into a world where things are no longer as they were, they’re changing. That can be really unsettling for some people. What they’re really feeling is fear.
A hug can make somebody feel safe again and be an immediate energy shift. Complaining can also be a sign that the person is feeling helpless, powerless or depressed. Simply being htere for them, listening, a gentle touch on their shoulder, holding their hand can let them know they are not alone.
Without you having to absorp the energy, engage in the conversation, prolong it inevitably by nodding and saying “I’m here from you. I know where you’re coming from.” It can make them feel like they’re not alone and they’re being heard. Shifting that conversation to something more positive is all it takes to take back control of the vibration and energy in a room and take it back to a high vibe energy level. All of this could happen in 90 seconds.
Again, it’s all about the power of intention.
You can control the energy wiuthout controlling somebody else. You don’t need to change them, change how you are showing up. Change how you’re responding to it and you will take back control of the energy and emotion and vibe you feel.
Many more tips and things as we go deeper in another episode, but this is good to get you started and rock your vibe. If this was helpful for you and if you want more high vibe goodness, I invite you to join my high vibe tribe, which simply means get on my email list because I am sending out so many goodies.