When it comes to pitching, men are more to the point and they’re more direct. That has its definite advantages because you’re not tiptoeing around and you’re able to be more assertive about where the relationship is going. Women, however, value relationships so much that we sometimes become afraid to ruin it by making an offer. Instead of ever telling the other person what you do or how you can benefit them or how you might be able to work together, instead of ever making that pitch, you end up building a wonderful relationship but it never goes anywhere financially. You don’t want to be stuck in that. You need to make a mindset switch and position yourself somewhere in the middle and find that common ground of nurturing your potential clients, not just because you think they might buy from you but because you’re genuinely concerned about their well-being.
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Mindset Switch: Three Simple Steps To Building Your Relationships, Getting The Sale, And Making Money In Your Business
I had some experiences that are not uncommon. They happen all the time but I was particularly inspired to record this podcast for you based on these experiences because I don’t think this is something we talk about enough. We talk about selling all the time. My good friend, Renee Rebar. She is amazing at selling. I love her because of her approach, her technique. It’s weaved with the proper mindset around selling. Let them know that, “I’ve got this offer,” nurture your potential clients like crazy. Not just because you think they might buy from you but because you’re genuinely concerned about their wellbeing. You want to foster healthy good relationships with people, but you’re not attached to the outcome. You know if you’ve been pitched and you know whether or not that pitch is genuine, authentic, and it comes from a place of love or if they are just trying to get a sale out of you. If you are just another number, your BS detector totally picks that up.
That happened to me and I thought, “This is how men sell.” It was a man pitching to me. He disguised the pitch as if he was interested. He was interviewing me about the book, Mindset Switch, for his podcast. We were having this conversation about what the interview might look like and how we might interweave certain nuggets of wisdom for his particular audience. It ended with this pitch and he pitched me a very expensive mastermind. When I denied, the energy shifted, and it turned into, “How about if I just follow up in a couple of months?” I’m like, “Where did this come from?” I felt like I was at the bar and some guy came up to me and offered to buy me a drink but before he ordered it, he was like, “Are we going to hook up or what?” When I said, “No,” he’s like “Waiter, hold that drink. It is not worth this. I’m not spending $7 on you, woman. You’re not even going to put out at the end of the night.” That’s the feeling that I got.
It was a turnoff and it bothered me. At the same time, I’m like, “I’m not going to let this bother me. It is what it is. He’s doing his thing. He’s trying to get a sale,” but it sent off the desperation and it was repulsive. For that, I will probably never do business with him because that is not the way that I communicate. It doesn’t resonate with me personally. That works with a lot of people. It may work on somebody that’s weaker or has a hard time making confident decisions. I don’t know who it works on but it didn’t work for me. It wouldn’t have worked for me at the bar either, I’m not that girl. I’m like, “This is how men sell. I couldn’t. This is why women are different.” It occurred to me that I speak to women. The majority of people listening to this podcast are women but I do have some men in the group. I promise I’m not trying to man-bash by any sense of the imagination because not all men sound like this.
This is how they’re trained, especially if they have a sales background but women do, too. I encountered this with a woman who is in an MLM and pushing her stuff on me the day we met. I’m like, “Can we just get to know each other a little bit?” It was like, “If we’re going to be friends, you have to buy my stuff.” It made it awkward and uncomfortable right off the get go. I find myself getting assertive in these situations where I’m like, “I’m not going to tip toe around this. I’m not interested in your stuff. Do you still want to be friends?” With the gentleman, I’m like, “I’m not interested in this. Do we still want to continue on with the conversation that we started with here?” I’m assertive and if that’s not the progression and intent and we are suddenly misaligned, we part ways. I’m completely okay with that.
I would rather part ways if it’s not a good fit than continue to dump energy into a relationship that is going nowhere. It doesn’t make any sense and I know that you’re a woman, most likely and most of my audience sells to women. We do that because of the energetic match, because it feels good, because women don’t walk up to other women and say, “Are we going to do this thing or what?” We like a little foreplay. We want to get to know each other first. We want to court each other. We want to nurture and build those relationships with each other. We want to feel the energy of the other person. We knew the terms, “know, like, and trust,” and we are building “know, like, and trust.”
I was in a meeting in my city chamber of commerce and they were giving a presentation about the difference between how men and women think. It was interesting because they said men think vertically. Imagine a ladder. Everything that comes out of a man is to impress you or to have you think more highly of them. Every time they succeed in that, they go up the ladder. Every time they fail at that and your opinion does not increase, they go down the ladder. Women, however, tend to think linearly where everything we say and do is to draw you closer to us, to get closer to the person that we’re talking to, and to nurture that relationship. I’m mind blown at the statement. It was such a simple statement, simple observation. This isn’t 100% true all of the time. We’re talking in general. This isn’t the hard and fast way all the time but it makes sense because it highlights the difference between how men and women interact in business.
Men are more to the point. They’re more direct and that has its definite advantages because you’re not tiptoeing around, you’re not ignoring the obvious. You are able to be more assertive about where this relationship is going. Women, however, we value the relationships so much that we sometimes become afraid to ruin it by making an offer. Instead of ever telling the other person what you do or how you can benefit them or how you might be able to work together, instead of ever making that pitch, you end up building a wonderful relationship but it never goes anywhere financially. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be somewhere in the middle. We all need to find that common ground.
I’m going to give you three simple steps to building your relationships, getting the sale, and making money in your business. If this is resonating with you and you like a more authentic relationship, if the “put out or get out” sales pitch does not resonate with you, listen to these three steps. Number one, nurture. Build a relationship with your audience, offer them things, and give them things. “I have this podcast here for you” “I want you to get value out of this” “If you never ever buy anything for me, I’m okay with that. I don’t care.” When I say that, I don’t mean it like, “I don’t care about you. I care about you a lot, I love you.” One of my inherent core values is love and I want you to feel loved and nurtured by me every time you’re in my presence or you are consuming my content. I want you to be able to take from this content the knowledge, and the empowerment that you, too, can do anything that you are capable.
I want you to know the truth, to educate you, and you to be able to explore different ideas and options and pick what’s for you. I offer a lot of different angles and perspectives. When I go on my Wu Tangents, there’s a lot. I want you to take everything from your business decisions, spiritual decisions, your energetic decisions. What raises your vibe and what lowers it? Who in your life fills your cup and who drains it? What makes you feel good? It all comes down to vibe and I want you to have all this information, so you can make healthy decisions.
If that’s the only reason we ever hang out together, I feel like I’ve been a success. That is my way of loving you and nurturing you. I also am running a business, so I’m going to make offers once in a while. I’m going to talk to you about my programs and I would expect that you’re okay with that. This is obviously why we’re all here, paying money to market, putting podcast out in blog posts, and whatever. I am going to make offers however I’m okay if you don’t take them, that’s all up to you. I’m going to give you the information and let you process it and decide whether working with me is for you or not.
Step two, make the offer. After you’ve done your part and you’ve nurtured your audience, you have to get to step two. You can’t stay on step one forever or you’re going to be spinning your wheels. You’re going to have a lot of good friends but no money. You need to be able to make that offer. How do you do that? You can bring it up in conversation. I do that a lot in the podcast. You don’t have to be blatant and rude. You don’t have to DM people in, show up on their door and knock, make them feel weird, and pressure them in strange ways. You can be comfortable talking about what you do.
I have a client who is a physical therapist. She works with women who have had babies or issues and their female parts aren’t in the spot anymore. Women, after you have babies and your parts get moved all over, you sometimes pee a little when you sneeze. When she is out at parties and networking functions with women, she is able to say like, “I help women not pee a little bit when they sneeze” or “I help put their stuff back together after they have babies.” It’s enough of a conversation starter to have other people ask questions and go, “What does that mean exactly? How do you do that? I’m interested. I totally do that.”
She’s able to take a conversation that’s very taboo, not typically talked about when the girls get together, and make it comfortable, make it so that everyone can talk about this openly. As a result, she’s sharing, nurturing, giving information, and telling people about how she can help them. If they seem interested, she can then make the offer and say, “If you want, we can schedule an appointment to talk and I could tell you how I can help you.” It’s very organic. At no point at all was she shoving business cards down anyone’s throat or coming into the conversation with, “Are we going to do business together or what?” vibe. She’s not there to get a sale. She’s there to help, to bring the conversation out into the open to teach and to nurture. That naturally will progress into an opportunity to make an offer.
If you’re an MLM and you’re selling skincare, have conversations about skincare and not your products. When women are complaining about their complexion or their pimples or their makeup isn’t working, you can say, “Can I can tell you what I know about vitamins and skincare?” Lead the conversation organically into an opportunity to talk about your products and how you can help. You build that trust. You nurture first. Finally, step three is let go. You’ve made the offer, you’ve let them know that you’re available to help you can help and how you will help but if they don’t want your help, it’s not the end of the world. It’s not going to change the game. It’s not going to change the way you feel about them and it’s not going to change the way they feel about you. That’s a big deal.
If it’s going to change the way you feel about them, if you’re angry or bitter towards them, you didn’t have a good relationship in the first place. You were going into it for the wrong reasons if all you wanted out of them was a sale, if they’re dollar signs to you, you never completed step one. It is important that if they don’t say yes, it’s not the end of the world. You don’t need them, you don’t need their money, you are not desperate. Your clients are out there, and you are going to attract them to you by simply being yourself, being enthusiastic and passionate about what you do and how you can help.
If you’re worried about it changing their opinion of you, this is a whole new bag of worms. We are worried about the way everyone else sees us. We’re worried about everyone else’s opinion of us that we sabotage our own success. If you are failing to make an offer because you’re afraid that they’re going to say no and you’re afraid that it’s going to change their opinion of you, we need to dig in and say, “Why?” I want you to ask yourself why. Why do you need them to have a high opinion of you? Why do you need them to love you so much? Why are you avoiding the offer? What’s going to happen if you make the offer? Why do you feel that this is going to jeopardize your relationship? Why is it hard for you to talk about what you do? Why does it feel weird and salesy? Why does it feel like you’re being a burden? After you’ve answered all those questions, what’s going to happen if they change their opinion of you? Is it the end of the world?
Or are you so content and comfortable with yourself, who you are, how you show up and serve, and how you connect with people and nurture them that it doesn’t matter? Are you willing to let go of the need to control their opinion of you? Are you willing to let go of the need to impress them? Are you willing to let go of the need to have them say yes to you? Are you willing to get easy breezy about it and say, “This is what I got. Do you want it?” “Cool because I’m excited to help you.” If not, “It’s no big deal. Timing’s not right, the situation isn’t right. I’m here for you if and when you need me.” Meanwhile, “I will continue to love you and nurture you because I care about you more than I care about your money.” The money is a bonus. It’s a way of client saying, “Thank you for what you do for me,” but it’s not everything. We, as women, value that relationship and it’s important to remember that.
It’s also important to remember that there is no one correct way to sell, to nurture, to talk about what you do to make your offer. It has to feel true, genuine, authentic, comfortable, and high vibe for you. Do you feel good about it or do you feel like you should be doing something else? As soon as you say the word “should”, that’s a red flag. Why do you feel you should because somebody else is doing it differently because their methods are different? Don’t worry about what anybody else does. They’re doing them, you do you and you do it well. Get in the habit of checking in with yourself often and tuning into the way you feel after you’ve had a conversation with a potential client for the very first time.
After you’ve maybe made an offer, after you’ve talked about what you do in an open and genuine manner, after you’ve been rejected, after your offer has been accepted, check in with yourself after all of these major milestones in your business and your communication style. Pay attention to what feels good for you. If it feels good, like you were speaking from your soul and it didn’t feel slimy or weird at all, then you were communicating your own truth. Do more of that. Try different methods, means of communication, approaches, and conversation topics around your products or services. Test it all and see what resonates, then do more of that. When you are authentic and you’re being true to yourself, your business will certainly take off.
To recap those steps again, number one is nurture and love your clients. Love your tribe. Number two, make an offer. Don’t demand that they receive the offer, but just let them know what’s available and how they might be able to work with you. Number three, let go of the need to control the results. Be completely comfortable, whether they accept your offer or not. It doesn’t matter either way because you’re going to keep doing you, keep making money, keep attracting the clients that are for you, keep rocking it, and you are going to be a success. Your success doesn’t hinge on one person’s decision or two people’s decisions. Your success is driven by the way that you show up and the way you feel about yourself. It’s driven by your own vibe.
I hope that gave you a ton of food for thought. Anytime you’re feeling like you are stuck in the sales process, come back and listen to this. These are good questions to shift the way your perspective is, the way that you’re seeing the situation and legit flip the switch on your mindset, so that you can get out there and crush it. I want that for you.
If you need help in raising your vibe and make a commitment to abundance and reprograming your money mindset, check out Money Vibes and learn more.
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