No matter how bright and sunny the world is, we can’t help but be cocooned into our own world of fear and negativity. These undeniably keep us from ever pushing ourselves to a better path and reaching goals and dreams. Tonya shares some tips to help move past the negative emotions and go forward by mastering your mindset. Laying down overcoming fear and getting hold of our thoughts, she teaches the 90-second power pose and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) that you can use to release those feelings of negativity. Learn from Tonya as she shows how we can transform the ways we deal with our present lives, pushing us to become better and blissful.
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Moving Past Negative Emotions And Mastering Your Mindset
This is a special episode because I want to share with you some of my favorite tips. These are some of the things that I share with the girls inside Money Vibes Bootcamp for working through negative emotions and mastering your mindset. Every emotion is caused by a thought first. You are constantly thinking thoughts that create chemical reactions in your brain. It tells your brain, “Release these chemicals that cause feelings in my body.” Those feelings are what dictate the way that you behave. You might feel fear. You might feel doubt. You might feel anxiety in your body. You might feel overwhelmed, angry or frustrated at things that are happening in your reality, in your life. Those things are all caused by thoughts.
When you learn to get in front of those feelings, get in control of those thoughts, notice the feelings. Instead of continuing to think thoughts that continuously promote those feelings, change the thoughts. Change what you’re doing. It’s not always easy to change the thought. I’m upset. I’m worried. I’ve got anxiety over the fact that I got bills coming in and the clients aren’t coming in quite as fast as the bills. Money anxiety is a common one. I could sit here and go, “Think happy thoughts. Think abundant thoughts.” Align yourself energetically with the feeling of abundance and you’re like, “Good luck with that. I’m trying. It’s not working,” because the focus is on lack. We’re thinking thoughts of lack. We’re thinking thoughts of worry.
Those thoughts are creating the emotional responses, which only last 90 seconds. Once you have a thought and it creates an emotion in your body, a reaction, it’s going to last 90 seconds. If you want to change it, you’ve got that 90 seconds to sulk, wallow, be miserable and have it. If that’s what you want to do, sulk and be miserable, it’s okay. Notice those feelings in that moment and go, “I recognize that I’m feeling this way. I’d like to choose not to feel this way. I’d like to choose to acknowledge the fact that I’ve got a negative emotion. I want to choose to do something different. I want to choose to raise my vibe.” When you choose something different, it will trigger a different set of thoughts in your mind. This will start to create more positive feelings. I feel doing sometimes is easier than thinking. If you can’t control your thoughts, you can’t control your behaviors and actions. This is how we can start to make better choices to raise our vibe and completely get out of that negative, downward spiral that we get ourselves into some times.
Let’s take a couple of examples. Number one, fear. Let’s say you are fearing something in your business. For instance, putting yourself out there. You want to be more active online and on social media. You want to do Facebook Lives, appear on podcasts or create your own podcast. You want to do more public speaking, but the fear is consuming. It’s crippling you and preventing you from moving forward. You get it in your head, you planned it all out, you hover your finger over that go live button, and you’re like, “I can’t do it. What if I mess up? What if I fail? What if nobody shows up?” All the thoughts go. That triggers that intense fear in your body. Change the way you’re thinking about it.
While you’re getting ready to go live, you’re thinking about what everyone in the world is going to think of you. You’re thinking about all the worst possible things that could happen. Instead, make it about them. Stop thinking about yourself. Stop thinking about the way that they’re going to show up and see you because they’re not. Nobody’s paying attention to you. Nobody’s judging or criticizing your performance. What they’re showing up for is to see how you can help them. How your words, your content, and your message pertain to them. If you change your thoughts in that moment and go, “It’s not about me, it’s about them. How can I show up for my tribe? How can I show up and deliver value? How can I show up and be a friend? How can I show up and make them smile, laugh, or be entertaining? Teach them something new? Show them what’s going on in my world? How can I be helpful today?” You might even start thinking, “What if that’s not helpful? What if people don’t want to know this? What if they don’t need to know?”
It’s not your job to decide what they need. Put it out there. Connect. Be a friend. If this is something that you would tell your neighbor, your best girlfriend while you’re having lunch, your spouse or your kids, then there’s somebody else in the world that wants to hear it, too. When you change the focus and put it on your tribe instead of you, that anxiety, that fear starts to subside. It starts to feel authentic. You remember why you’re doing this in the first place. How about imposter syndrome? We all experienced that once in a while. When you start to feel you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, they’re going to find you out. They’re going to figure out that you are full of it. You question yourself, “Who am I to do this anyway?”
Here’s a tip to flip that switch in 90 seconds. Get in a power pose. Your power pose might be standing with your feet, hip width apart, abdomen in, butt tight, shoulders back, and chest out. Make a fist with both hands and put them up in the air like you won, like you crossed the finish line of that marathon. Stand like that and smile for 90 seconds. You might even want to shake your butt a little bit, do a little dance. You might want to add a little bit to that. You might want to, during those 90 seconds, start thinking of the last time you had a win. What did you get done on your to-do list already? Did you make your bed? That was a win. Did you schedule an appointment? That’s a win. Did you answer somebody’s question live on one of your social media profiles? That’s a win. Start thinking about your wins. All of them that you had today, all of them you had yesterday. When’s the last time you made a difference? When’s the last time somebody complimented you? When’s the last time you got something done? When’s the last time you impressed yourself? You did something that made yourself proud. Those are wins.
While you’re standing in that power pose, start thinking about those wins. You might even decide to say them out loud. You might decide to start chanting them. You might say them in a form of an affirmation, 90 seconds of a positive power pose and positively focused thoughts. You’re going to flip the switch. You are going to trigger your brain to switch gears and stop focusing on what isn’t enough about you. You’re going to realize that you are more than enough. You have everything that you need to make a difference. How about anxiety? We talk about money troubles all the time. You get in a cycle of thought. A bill arrives. You realize it’s the end of the month and you’ve got stuff to pay. You forgot that your taxes are coming. You have to pay your team. You didn’t get the payment from that client you were banking on and you start to freak out. What do you do?
EFT is one of my favorite tools for releasing negative emotions, especially anxiety. When you start to freak out over something, when you’re worried about what’s going to happen, when you start to fear the worst, use EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. It’s a combination of verbal therapy and a soothing, neurological acupressure type of thing. When you combine the two techniques, it is powerful in totally transforming the way that you’re feeling in a moment. You can do this for 90 seconds and you’re going to see a shift. It’s going to start to make you feel better. Your vibe is going to start to increase after 90 seconds of doing this. You’re probably going to want to do this one for a little longer. Maybe you’re going to spend five minutes on this exercise, but it will transform that anxiety into hope, inspiration, and empowerment.
Letting Somebody Else Down
Let’s talk about the fourth freak out that tends to happen and send us on a downward spiral, which is that fear that you are going to let somebody else down or disappoint somebody else, be it your spouse, your family members, your kids, your clients. This is typically what causes us to have boundary issues, to say yes for things when we want to say no. We overcommit. We get burnt out, which leads to overwhelm. When you’re afraid of disappointing others, you tend to burn out your own energy. You deplete your energy stores. It feels lousy. That only is going to contribute to a deeper sense of self-doubt. Where you start to think you can’t handle all this, that you are not good enough. It’s devastating to your self-esteem and your sense of worth. It’s important that we get on top of this. If you find that you’re starting to freak out about the idea of disappointing somebody or letting somebody down, stop and re-center yourself by practicing acceptance and gratitude.
When you are afraid of letting somebody else down, what was happening is you’re afraid that they aren’t going to accept you unless. You’re not good enough as is. Your job, your work or whatever you are giving them isn’t good enough as is. You have to do more to be accepted. It’s acceptance that’s missing in the equation. You’re not accepting yourself and therefore you need to feel accepted. You’re looking for that validation, that sense of acceptance. How do you get it? You give it. You always give what it is that you are craving in return. By giving acceptance, by being accepting, you are going to get acceptance back times three. Practice this in that moment where you were feeling you’re going to let somebody else down. Make a gratitude list. Accept other people. What are you grateful for about the people in your life? If you’re worried specifically about the other person, like Suzie not accepting you or you’re worried about letting Suzie down, start there. What are you grateful for when it comes to Suzie?
After you’ve done that, I want you to flip it around and say, “What are you grateful for when it comes to your relationship?” Go even further. What are you grateful for when it comes to you? Why do you think she’s grateful for you? Why are you grateful for the way you show up in this relationship? What are you contributing to that you can be proud of? What about this interaction has made the two of you successful? What makes this relationship work? Be grateful for those wins and those successes. You might choose to expand this and do a more general list. Who are you grateful for? Why are you grateful for yourself? What is it about yourself that you love and appreciate? Your characteristics? Your mannerisms? How do you show up in the world? What makes you lovable? Why do you love yourself?
When you learn to be more accepting of others by focusing on the strengths and the positive attributes that they have, that your relationship has and that you have, you will find that you naturally become more accepting of yourself and more lenient. Here’s the truth, we’re all human. We all make mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. We can’t do it all. When you start expecting that of yourself, you’re hiding behind a mask of illusion. You wouldn’t expect that of somebody else. You won’t expect somebody else to stop what they’re doing, to not sleep tonight, to work all night, to finish a project. If you’re lenient on other people, you need to be lenient on yourself, too. If you love others, you’ll love yourself, too. If you’re grateful for others, you can be grateful for yourself. It’s something that I would like you to start practicing. Maybe make this a daily habit. Especially do it anytime you are fearing that you might be disappointing somebody else, letting somebody else down or that you’re not going to get the acceptance that you crave. It’s about learning to accept yourself first. When you accept yourself, it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. All that matters is what you think about you, but you need to get there.
Anger And Frustration
Number five, anger and frustration. What do you do when things aren’t going your way? Here’s what you do. You’re going to get mad. You’re going to get frustrated at your husband, your kids, your family members, your neighbors, your clients and the world. Something is going to trigger you. When you’re in that place where you’re fuming and you’re like, “I’m going to flip out any moment.” Get out of the house. Go for a walk, even if it’s in your yard. If you can’t leave because your kids are home and nobody can watch them, go in your yard. Connect yourself to nature. If it’s nice out outside, take your shoes off and go barefoot. Ground yourself. Grounding allows those negative emotions to drain out of you and into the ground. The ground will absorb them. The Earth wants to transmute that into positive energy. When you stand in the bare grass or walk on the beach, you’re going to feel better breathing in that fresh air. Five minutes outside will transform that anger. It’ll at least mute it so that you can go about your day and think with a clear head.
Number six, jealousy. We all feel jealous. We would love to say that never happens. I’m not a jealous person and I’m confident saying that. It doesn’t mean that the thoughts never come up. My husband had gone golfing and he’s having a great time. He’s with all his buddies and e’s telling me about all the things that he’s doing. The weather where I was at was awful. The kids left. I was bored. I’m thinking, “This isn’t fair. You’re having so much fun. I’m here and I’m bored. Nobody’s paying attention to me.” We all get like that sometimes. It sounds catty and childish, but I don’t care. It happens. I was a little jealous that he was having more fun than me. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever get jealous that somebody else’s having more fun than you? In that moment, I’m like, “This doesn’t feel good,” and I wasn’t angry at myself for getting jealous. I didn’t punish myself. I said, “I don’t want to feel this way.” I noticed it in the moment. I noticed myself feeling that way. I noticed the resentment starting to build. Had I continued down that path, he’d have been in the dog house by the time he got home and he didn’t even do anything wrong. I got to fix this. I said, “What can I do to make myself feel good?”
Yoga is amazing for this. Do a little bit of yoga poses. The idea of breathing, moving your body and yoga, no matter how calm your yoga is, it’s going to get your heart pumping a little bit. The focus on the moves and the focus on the breathing change your mental focus. You’re no longer focusing on that, you’re focusing on the breathing and the exercises. When you’re done, you feel good. Qigong is another way to do it. It’s a graceful, moving exercise technique that is more Eastern. It’s not popular here in the United States. It will force you to focus on your breath, your movement and it releases negative energy. You’ll feel amazing when you’re done. Try yoga or Qigong. Within ten minutes, you’re going to feel amazing.
Last but not least, overwhelm. We all get overwhelmed. When you’re an entrepreneur, you’re running a business and you’re wearing 50 hats in your business all the time. It is impossible to avoid feelings of overwhelm, but it’s easy to fix it. Here’s how, take a break. Connect to your inner child. You have never met a three-year-old that’s stressed out. It doesn’t happen, not in a normal, healthy environment. A three-year-old doesn’t worry about the past and they aren’t concerned about the future. They live in the present moment. They live based on how they feel. They’re always 100% tuned into their emotions and they strive for bliss. If they’re unhappy, they let you know. They are all about fixing it now and getting back to that state of bliss, that state of joy. We can learn a lot from a three-year-old.
What do you do to immerse yourself in the present moment and feel completely blissful and joyful? Do you play or is playing for kids? Have you told yourself that you have to be responsible? That you have to be productive? That you always have to be moving in a forward direction and thinking about the future? If your head is always in the future, you’re never in the present. If you’re always regretting the past, you’re never in the present. Immersing yourself in this moment is the only way to connect to bliss. That is how you feel true, pure joy, and positivity. That is the secret for eliminating feelings of overwhelm. What about now? There is no tomorrow. You’re not guaranteed that. Yesterday, that’s gone. It’s over. It’s been written. It’s done. Worrying about it is not helping. You have an immense amount of power, the power to choose how you want to feel in this moment. What you choose will create your future. Your vibe is sending out energy into the universe. That energy comes back to you. The more you connect to the present moment by feeling good, by playing, laughing. Connecting to your inner child, the better tomorrow, the next day and the day after that. The more good vibes you’re sending out, the more good vibes you’re getting back.
I’ll have to create a cheat sheet for you, so that you have your go-to on what to do when your vibe is going downhill. Get it back up and feel amazing. If you need help doing this, you can come hang out with me any time on Facebook or Instagram. Join us in Money Vibes Bootcamp, where you learn the secrets of having a healthy money mindset. Learn how to maintain a high vibe so that you can make the law of attraction and manifestation work for you. It is the best of two worlds. You learn to love yourself, to accept yourself, to feel confident. Get rid of anything that is dragging your vibe down so that you can be the best entrepreneur you can be. This is what we’re all about and that’s what I want for you.
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