Today, I want to talk to you about other people’s opinions. And more importantly, how to pull back from them and take back the power that you’re so used to giving to them. Because when it all comes down to it, their opinion doesn’t count. The only opinion that matters is yours.
Listen to the podcast:
Recently, I’ve been getting comments here and there on Facebook, haters on the internet that just don’t have nice things to say. And apparently their mothers never told them if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all. Because they feel like the internet and posting negative, icky, low-vibe comments is appropriate and must make them feel good. And sometimes I am the target of their negativity, as you may be as well.
I really want to use my example, because I have a way of dealing with that that may be helpful for you when you’re dealing with other people’s negative opinions, and that is simply to take a step back and observe, not absorb, that comment, and go, “That’s interesting. Interesting that you say that. But you know what? I’m not going to take that on. I love my authentic self, and your opinion doesn’t count. And I’m going to take this opportunity to send you love because it seems like at this moment you may need it. All that negativity that’s spewing out of you, it seems like you’re feeling lonely. It feels to me like you need a friend, so I’m going to send you love, even though you made a very negative comment.”
Knowing Their Opinion Doesn’t Count
Now I get comments about the clothes that I wear. I have random women who I don’t know telling me that I am inappropriate, that my message sucks, that they don’t like my tone of voice. I get all kinds of weird stuff. And it’s like, “Really? Change the channel. You don’t have to watch my videos.”
But I am really, really good at now saying, “I’m not going to take that on. I love my authentic self. Your opinion doesn’t count. I love who I am.” And that is not something that comes easily. That’s something that takes practice.
Now you may have been in a similar situation yourself. Maybe it was a matter of you putting yourself out there. Maybe it was simply you just going about your day, being yourself, where somebody pops out of the blue and says something to you or about you that you don’t like. What do you do in that moment?
You Have a Choice
It’s in that moment that you have a choice. You can choose to give those words power by agreeing with them and attaching a feeling to them, allowing them to feel true in your body. Or you can pause, take a step back, and go, “That’s interesting, but I’m not going to take that on. I’m not going to give these words power. I’m going to choose in this moment to disagree with what it is that you just said,” and go, “That’s your opinion. You can keep it. I’m not gonna take it. I have a different opinion. I have a different perception. I love myself exactly as I am, and I don’t need your approval. I don’t need your validation. We can agree to disagree.
“I’m awesome, and I know this to be true. I know that I am valuable. I know that I am beautiful. I know that I am capable. You might not think so, but that’s your stuff that you’re projecting onto me, and I’m not going to take that on.”
Example 1: Pat Benatar
And that happens in all areas of life. I knew a woman who grew up in the 80s and absolutely loved Pat Benatar. And one day, when she was 10, 11, 12, she was at a sleepover, and the girls were singing, and she was just getting it right, just belting some Pat Benatar, and one of her friends, most likely in an attempt to be funny, said, “Hey, who sings this song?”
And she’s like, “Pat Benatar.”
And her friend responded with, “Well, maybe you should let her sing it.”
And that crushed her. She took those words on and allowed them to hurt her. She allowed them to attach to an emotion that then turned into a belief. The belief was, “I am not a good singer. I can’t sing.” And she’s carried that with her for her entire life.
Every Thursday night, now that she’s an adult, her friends meet up for karaoke. And she goes along sometimes, but she doesn’t sing, because every Thursday night, she is reminded of that statement from so many years ago, and she is still letting it feel true. She’s still giving those words the power. And she says to herself every Thursday night, “I can’t sing, so I won’t.”
Are You Giving Your Power Away?
Now you may be doing the same thing, right? You may be giving your power away, power to words that aren’t yours, beliefs that aren’t yours. Because here’s the thing, words themselves mean nothing unless you believe them. It’s your belief that has the power. And if you don’t argue with that belief, if you don’t release it and let it go, it’s going to continue to show up again and again.
So what beliefs are you currently holding onto? What beliefs do you hold inside your heart and in your mind that no longer serve you? Where did they come from? Are they your beliefs, or are these the beliefs and opinions of somebody else? Are you letting these beliefs hold you back from being your authentic self? And if you are, I want you to hear my words right now.
You are amazing. You’re original, and there’s nobody like you. You have many gifts and talents, most of which you do very, very well. Some things you do for fun. Some skills you’re learning and working on improving, and you’re getting better and better every day. There are things that you have in common with other people around you, and there are certain personality traits that you own that make you truly unique. And all of this is what makes you beautiful and magnetic. This is what makes you the amazing person you are.
Example 2: Hitting a Plateau
I had a client once who was a corporate professional. She worked in marketing, and she loved her job. She was good at it, very good at it as a matter of fact. But she had hit a plateau, a ceiling. And in order to take her job and her growth to the next level, she had to start speaking and giving presentations. And a big part of that meant giving these presentations in front of her peers, which she was terrified to do.
She expressed to me fears about messing up, about her peers potentially asking her a question that she wasn’t able to answer, and looking as though she didn’t really know what she was doing. She was afraid of looking foolish, afraid of being judged, afraid of not being as good as some of the other presenters that normally took on this role.
And then she started to think, “Well, what if I do move up? What if they do give me more responsibility? What if I do get a promotion? What if people think that I don’t deserve it, that I haven’t earned it?”
These were just some of the fears that circled in her mind. It all resulted from a belief that she was not a good speaker, that started when she was much, much younger. So I told her the same thing that I’m telling you, their opinion doesn’t count. The opinions of those people that told you that you weren’t very good at speaking way back when you were young, they don’t count. The opinions of your peers, your colleagues, they don’t count.
And I know that’s hard because so often we care about other people, we want to know that they approve and like us, we want to feel liked. And in this case, she was there too, she wanted her peers to like her and approve of her, she wanted them to accept her. But she wasn’t accepting herself, and that has to come first. People will accept you only after you’ve accepted yourself. People will love you when you love yourself. They will respect you to the extent that you respect yourself. They will value you to the extent that you value yourself.
Your Opinion is What’s Important
But you and your opinion and the way you believe, it’s your opinion and the way you feel and think about yourself that comes first. And that’s what’s important.
So I asked her, “What’s more important? Them liking you or you liking you?”
And of course, she answered, “It’s me, right?”
That’s logical. But it’s the emotion, it’s the belief and it’s the behavior that you attached to it that matters. You actually have to live that belief, not just think it up here. You have to feel it, you have to own it, you have to live it.
I asked her then, “What’s more important, that they believe in you or that you believe in you?”
And of course, she’s like, “It’s more important that I believe in me.”
“Well, girlfriend, let’s start doing that. Let’s start doing the work so that you can believe in you.”
Now, what does that take to make this switch? It takes you setting the intention to monitor your thoughts and feelings, monitor the opinions, the judgments, the comments, the words that are spoken around you, and pay attention to whether or not you’re giving them power or the power is coming from within you. Ask yourself, is this belief serving you, or is it not serving you. Does this opinion belong to you? Is it your perspective? Or does it belong to someone else?
And if you find that you are giving your attention, your focus, the power to words and beliefs and opinions that are not yours or are not serving you, I want you to take a step back, say to yourself, “That’s interesting, but I’m not going to take that on. I love my authentic self just the way I am.”
And repeat it again and again until you start to feel it. And once you start to feel it, you will start to believe it.
Now, if putting yourself out there is something that may be holding you back in your life or business, I invite you to join a workshop that I have on this very subject coming up. But in order to be notified when we are holding this live workshop, you have to go to sign up to be on my list, where I will also send you lots of freebies to help you raise your vibe. Things like meditations, pep talks, worksheets, cheat sheets, and affirmations and mantras, all the fun things that help you raise your vibe.
Alright, our time is up for today. I hope you have an amazing, wonderful and abundant week, and I will see you back here on the next episode of the Raise your Vibe podcast.